The Fanfiction World
by fanfictioniwrite
Summary: "No more Mary Sues!" "No more crazy slash pairings!" "No more cutting!" "No more non-working drugs!" our beloved characters from South Park protested but the fangirls wouldn't listen. This calls for a parody! Request for couples.
1. Flashbacks Make It More Dramatic

**The Fanfiction World  
><strong>

**Summary:**"No more Mary Sues!" "No more crazy slash!" "No more cutting!" "No more non-working drugs!" – our beloved protested but the fangirls wouldn't listen…PARODY!

**Warning: **Due to the heavy use of foul language, sarcasm, and overall silliness the story should not be taken seriously by anyone. Ever.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1: Flashbacks Make it More Dramatic<strong>

Stan and Kyle were in Stan's depressing room, filled with Heavy Metal posters and razors glued to the walls. Apparently the interior portrayed masterfully the teenager's inner demons.

Kyle watched as it was raining outside. Not because it often rains in the show but because every heavy-emotional scene needs some rain.

"Are you sure we have to do this Stan?" – the nerdy redhead asked quietly, trying very hard not to look at the now shirt_less _super-best-friend of his.

"Yeap, seems so. After all we do have to meet the needs of fans otherwise we don't get enough reviews."

Kyle looked at the brunette only to meet his sex-filled eyes. Stan was taking off his trousers, revealing his smooth, creamy skin.

The Jewish teen didn't like what was coming next. To be honest he hardly ever liked anything that happened in fanfiction.

"Remember how all of this started?" – he asked, voice speaking of nostalgia…and terror.

"Yeap, it was all thank to Mr. Garrison. And then Cartman. It always is, isn't it?

* * *

><p><em><span><strong>FLASHBACK<strong>_

_**(Cause flashbacks are cool and are always written in Italics)**_

"Ok, so today children instead of talking about real literature we are going to talk about fan fiction. Because you know why should you read the timeless classics if you can just read about your favourite characters boning?" - Mr. / Ms Garrison grinned at his now seventeen-year old students.

The teacher (for a lack of a better definition) was in one of his woman stages again and if you asked him why was he in such a foul mood he would admit that it was that time of the month..

"Oh, man I don't wanna read any stupid fanfiction!" - Cartman cried out loud while pouring a bag of Cheesy Poofs into his mouth.

For the purpose of this story Cartman was still a fat dummy, he was still loud and annoying, Nazi as always and not-falling for his mortal enemy Kahl. Not yet.

"Shut up , Eric or I'll make you read all those stories where you make sweet, sweet love with Kyle."

"AYE ! I do not do that !" – Cartman shouted in defense, his expression the epitome of shock and anger.

"Oh, well you can always end up marrying Butters ." – the adult mused, pushing up his glasses and glancing at the feminine boy at the front desk whose eyes widened in horror like a pair of sauce pans. It was a comical view really and Garrison had to supress a laugh. Poor, Butter he had no idea what things the fanfiction version of his character liked doing.

"Me ! Oh, no! My parents won't like that part…" – the said Butters cried, waving his hands fiercely in panic.

"Your parents are already abusing you in most fan fics , Butters, just like Kyle's parents abuse him, oh and Kenny's and uh…Craig's…Tweek's. That's because according to the teenagers who write these stories parents are some horrible monsters who destroy your life."

"Geh, how lucky we are to be in those stories then…" – Butters mumbled.

"Butters, you are not allowed to be a sarcastic character."

"Excuse me, teacher, but why the hell are we doing this ?" –Kyle asked from the first desk desperately trying to stop what seemed like would be another waste of time both for the author and for the ones reading the story.

"Because :

a) this is South Park so we get to do meaningless things all the time (part of the show's charm really) and

b) the writer of this story can't go to sleep and has nothing better to do than this."

"Um, isn't this kind of stuff supposed to be in the author's note? Not in the middle of the story?" – Red chipped in because she was kind of an expert when it came to fanfiction. It was one of her guilty pleasures and she had a thing for reading some Thor-Loki brotherly bonding. Although the things the Thor did to the mage weren't always all that brotherly.

"Oh, but…"

"No, buts Kyle, instead of complaining just shut up and fuck Stan already."

"WHAT !?" –both of the boys, not to mention Wendy and cried in one voice.

"Well, in like 90% of the stories you end up humping each other after like 10 chapters of really boring emo crap, so I say, why not just skip that part."

"And what do we minor characters do?" –asked Wendy, trying not to think about her two best friend becoming a lot more than friends which was the fantasy of apparently every fangirl of every fandom out there.

"Oh, well let me see… You Wendy are mostly portrayed as a femi-nazi evil witch who stands in the way of Kyle and Stan's undying love."

"Craig here often times rapes Kyle, so that Cartman can then save him. Or he just falls for Tweek's anxiety. Because you know, teenagers love glamorizing mental illness almost as much as they love slash."

"OH THAT PRESSURE." - called out the small blond boy in horror.

"I am_ so_ not fucking that" – Tucker murmured as he flipped off Tweek.

"So, basically all of the stories revolve around how Kyle hooks up with somebody ?"

"Yes, that is correct Token. You yourself don't even have a part in most fanfics. Except that you or Clyde always organize some kick-ass party where Stan and Kyle get drunk and later hook up. Oh, and Wendy and Bebe too. Sometimes you and Token also get to know each other…how do I put this _intimately_. "

The whole class fell into a tense silence, trying very hard not to picture what their teacher had just said. It was difficult, having in mind they were a bunch of hormonal teenagers but in the end their want for sanity won. Well, not in the case of Kenny but everyone already knows what a pervert he is, so no surprise there.

"What do I do…I mean despite fucking Kyle?" – Stan asked at least, unable to quell down his curiosity.

"It is really funny that you have a bigger role in the fanfics than in the show, Stan. In some fics you are a brainless jock but mostly you are this bitchy emo kid who cuts himself…because of Kyle of course."

"But this makes no fucking sense!"

"Mmm, not according to the hoards of Style lovers."

"No, no wait a second I still don't get why would I ever save Kyle?! I've never done that!" – Cartman cried out, finally being able to process Garrison's words from half a page ago.

"Well, Eric..uh…this one time you actually did…"

"Shut up, Butters! I swear I fucking hate this fanfiction thing and I'm just starting to hear about it!" – the heavy teen ranted, casting a furious glance to anyone who dared look in his direction.

"Oh, at least you guys aren't dead all the time! All I ever do is leave you some crazy letter in which I say total bullshit and somehow predict the fact that you'll end up fucking each other. It's like I always know whether it'll be a Style or a Kyman before it has even happened. If you don't remember I am freaking immortal not a psych!" – Kenny finally snapped trying to be that angsty character that always story could appear "deeper".

His speech wasn't muffled because the author simply forgot or was just too lazy to give us an explanation why.

"Actually Kenny, Stan and Kyle die in a lot fics too. Most of the time they cut their wrists (because of each other of course) but there are occasional car crashes and drownings in Stark Pond. Later the other one realizes how much he has loved his best friend and that he has always wanted for them to be butt pirates so he kills himself too while the author writes some profound lyrics by Ed Sheeran and everyone cries."

"But what is the fucking point in killing all the main characters!?"

"Go ask G.R. , Wendy. Oh, and stop being such a manipulative bitch and let Stan free to fuck Kyle. Or Craig. Or Kenny. Or Cartman.. Or whoever those crazy fan girls want him to. It's obviously not you. Now for homework…"

"But we never have homework" - Eric whined.

"Well in fanfics you have because that way you do your homework in pairs…and then end up doing each other." – Gerisson wiggled his eyebrows like the epitome of the ultimate creep, only to make the whole scene even more disturbing than it already was for the teenagers.

"Ew, gross!" – they cried in one voice.

"Now, now, we all have to do what fans want, otherwise we won't get enough feedback and we don't want that to happen. For HW you have to read a South Park Fanfic rated at least T. And the genre of course is Romance/Angst."

"Ohhhhh" - the whole class wanted to protest but…

But the author was too lazy to finish this chapter.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong> (Although no one reads them really)

Hey, guys, hope you liked the first chapter!

Please don't take the story seriously, it's not meant to be offensive or anything, just thought I could make some fun of how silly we fangirls can be. I myself am a huge fan of South Park and I do write slash…so, yeah no hard feelings!

What do you think of the boys finding out fanfiction (about themselves no less!) for the first time? Which couples would you like to be parodied?

If you have any ideas about the story, don't shy away and share!

Please review and tell me what you think! Have a nice day!


	2. Cartman: Best Plan Ever

**The Fanfiction World  
><strong>

**Summary:**"No more Mary Sues!" "No more crazy slash!" "No more cutting!" "No more non-working drugs!" – our beloved protested but the fangirls wouldn't listen…PARODY!

**Warning: **Due to the heavyuse of foul language, sarcasm, and overall silliness the story should not be taken seriously by anyone.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2: Cartman: Best Plan Ever<strong>

_Yeah this is another flashback…or something but I've got really tired of the Italics, so yeah._

Stan and Kyle were in Stan's dark room, full of posters of Some Depressing Teen Band of and razors glued on the walls yet again. (we have to repeat the description from the previous chapter or we won't amount to the imaginary word count criterion).

There were also pictures of a certain red hair Jew… of a _naked_ red hair Jew scattered across Stan's desk.

"Dude, I do not listen to Some Depressing Teen Band !" – Stan whined, annoyed at the music palette the fangirls had chosen for him.

"Stan, just shut up! Your music taste is the least of our problems right now, trust me!" - Kyle grunted while reading about the passionate, yet gentle love between him and his best friend on fan sites.

"Fine, fine! What should we read anyway?" – the noirette intrigued.

"Well, it is supposed to be a story about the two of us…it is supposed to be a Style unfortunately."

"Oh, unfortunately!? What do you mean unfortunately!?

Would you rather be Cartman's partner and read about your love - hate relationship or as it is referred to - your Kyman." – Stan snapped, all of a sudden feeling emotional and vulnerable. Perhaps he was slowly turning into the fanfic-version of himself and the prospect of that scared the hell out of him.

"Or maybe you want that French dude to fuck you in Paris while you are the hacker in his team…which is clearly a Leverage reference that no one gets really.

Perhaps you want some K2 action where Kenny dies yet again and you go all emo…what else? Cryle – yeah, good luck with Tweak trying to kill you! Is that what you want?"- Stan cried out, giving an outlet to all of his newfound emotions. There were already tears in his eyes.

"No, of course not!" – Kyle interrupted Stan's dramatic speech, desperate to cheer up his best friend because as we all know being emo is rather dangerous in the fanfiction world.

"But wait…do you actually like the idea of Style!?" –Kyle gasped all of a sudden, afraid that maybe this story would magically turn into yet another slash story within the next few paragraphs.

"Nooo! How can you even think of that?" – Stan murmured, while trying his best to avoid accidentally cutting himself on some of the many razors the author had deliberately scattered all over the room.

"Dude, we both now what the fan girls want – all of a sudden you will realize you have feelings for me –"

"That I've somehow always have had them." - Marsh corrected, Kyle nodded.

"And so will I… then we will have amazing sex in the middle of chapter no matter what else might be happening and snuggle saying as cliché as possible "I love you" under the sound of some pop song."

"It's _always_ a Style in the end." – the teen summarized, pushing up his hipster glasses.

Yes, he even had to be a hipster in but he wasn't complaining because at least he wasn't sent back to time during WW2…for now. The fangirls were still busy constructing the time machine, looking for instruction on e-how.

Stan sighed for he knew his super best friend and future boyfriend was right.

"Okay, okay. Let's just start reading."

"This fic is called "Brush My Tears" and is written by "UltraMegaStylefanxD".

"_As Stan was looking at his friend's beautiful aqua green eyes. He realized he was all the noirette ever wants." _– the description read.

"Dude, this should be "has/had ever wanted"! Don't these people at least _try_ to use proper English!? Not to mention, aqua is supposed to mean blue, not green! Just get your tacky metaphors right!"

"And you wonder why you are a nerd in the stories…" – Stan teased.

"What did you just say?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing…"

"Just read this one and I will read "For the Love of Style" written by CrazyLoveBroflovskiFan2000 where I get magically pregnant from you and then our daughter is kidnapped by Cartman and Butters because I quote: _"It's Buttman, baby!"_

* * *

><p><strong>Meanwhile at Cartman's house:<strong>

(all of a sudden the author had the strong urge to send us in some completely different scene, thinking that a story transaction is the best thing to do when you don't know what to do with your characters anymore.)

…**However we are **still **in a flashback…**

"Kinney this assignment is so God-damn stupid! I am not reading a CartmanxKenny fic ever!" – Cartman whined in his high pitch voice while eating yet again Cheesy Poufs because the author couldn't think of a better description.

"Oh, so you think I am enjoying this!? In the story I am currently reading I am a prostitute and I fuck Stan for money who is in love with Kyle while I am in love with you and Butters is in love with me and…WTF!? Why the hell is everybody gay in fanfics?"

"And why do I always have to be just so OC? When have I been so kind and loving? In my story I help the daywalker who is an emo hippie nerdy fag after he is raped yet again by no other than Craig because I quote "I find those lime green eyes enchanting."

"Hey, I thought you were supposed to read a story about you and me!" – Kenny whined, already feeling a sudden urge to be insecure and emo. Perhaps the fanfiction-force was stronger than he had thought.

"Kenny you are such a fag!"

"Hey, watch your tongue, do you want the fans to think you're not politically correct?" - the blonde cried out, trying to hush his (for lack of a better term) best friend.

"But in canon I am not politically correct!" – Cartman fought back – "This is the whole point of my fucking character!"

"Well, yeah…but fan girls don't _care_ about your character, Cartman! They just want you o see you with Kyle and…" – the teen offered him a playful smile – "isn't that what you want to?"

"Of-fucking-course not!"

"You have a boner the size of the Eifel tower for him!" – Kenny taunted, eyes full of mirth.

"Kinney, you don't even know what the Eifel tower is! It's Ze Mole's job to make faggy references to France."

"Uh, didn't Christophe die or something in that movie you know that whole revolution and stuff…"

"Well, Pip died too but for the sake of Dip fangirls bring him from the dead…"

"I guess you are not immune to Slash even when you are dead." – Kenny murmured, all of a sudden making deep a conclusion because after all this story needs more dramatic moments.

"Now just find some stupid ass story where you butt fuck me so we I can go whore myself out on the streets as I always do in fanfics, fatass."

"Ay! You are forgetting that in all those fanfic stories I am skinny because everybody seems to hate fat people for whatever reason."

"Ugh, not in this one, fatso."

"Hey, check this out: Kyle and Stan are both suicidal because of each other but don't know, Butters is a cross-dresser and Wendy and Bebe do it all the time!. " – Cartman tried changing the subject since suddenly he was quite sensitive and insecure about his appearance just like everybody here in the fandom.

"Coming to think of it this fanfic world isn't so bad." – Kenny said, immediately switching from angsty to pervert mode – the only two modes he had really.

"Pervert."

"Pervert is my middle name. But anyway can't those teenage girls and old dudes who write the stories keep us in character for like at least once?"

Cartman didn't listen to his supposed friend and he had the "I am thinking of an evil plan" kind of face. If we were in a movie, you'd be hearing ominous music right now.

"It's like what we do on the show isn't crazy enough so they have to make us do even crazier things like going around all becoming gay all of sudden and fucking each other like bunnies." – Kenny went on ranting because he had forgotten it was Stan's job to be a whiny little bitch.

"I got it! I know how to stop making people writing all this slash bullshit.' – Cartman cried all of a sudden, a metaphorical light bulb being switched on in his brain.

"What do you mean, fatass?" – the blonde intrigued, cautiously raising an eyebrow. He didn't like the sound of this. Not one bit.

"I have a plan."

"Oh, no! Oh, no you don't! Whenever you say you have a plan we always end up on some crazy adventure, I get killed, Stan get's all whiny and in the end Kyle gives some cheesy "I've learnt something today speech. It's gotten old!"

"Kinney, you pretty much summed up all seasons of this show and gave spoilers for the remaining ones."

"So did I talk you out of the idea?"

"Of course not."

Kenny sighed and asked fatass what his idea was (even though he didn't care since he was probably just about to get killed in some totally cliché way by the author .).

"We'll just do slash here – I mean for real! Because whatever we real characters do – the fans dislike! So the only way for us to make them hate slash is to do slash on the show!"

"Ugh, dude I don't think this is such a good idea…"

"Shut up, Kinney, this is the best plan EVER!"

Cartman pushed off Kenny from the chair and the blonde accidentally fell from the window.

"We're getting out of fresh ideas for Kenny's deaths…"

The psychotic teenager quickly typed:

"_To all South Park fans who are reading this instead of having a real life – we will do whatever you want – we will do _whoever_ you want! Just stop making us fuck each other all the time. Write your request for pairs below._

_P.S: And no, I am not doing this because I want to fuck Kahl._

_P.S 2 : Where did you get that idea from!?_

_P.S 3: Stan, Kahl, Kinney if you're reading this: I hate you guys! _

_Sincerely: The most awesome and sexy person on the planet, a.k.a : Eric Cartman._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note: <strong>_

Guest, Megan, Guest, DatLittleStar, Guest, Guest, .75457 – thank you all for your kind words and suggestions!

So what do you think will our heroes survive or will they too, in the end, turn into their fanfiction versions, proving fangirls are about to take over the world?

Do what Cartman says! Do it now! I mean really – he has taken Kyle hostage and is putting a gun to his head, so you'd better write whatever you want me to parody or else you'll have to kiss the Jew goodbye.

I am looking forward to your ideas for couples or some other clichés you are tired of.

Next time Bunny is going down.

Please review and have a nice day!


	3. Soulmates in the Fandom

**Not Enough Parodies**

**Summary:**"No more Mary Sues!" "No more crazy slash!" "No more cutting!" "No more non-working drugs!" – our beloved protested but the fangirls wouldn't listen…PARODY!

**Warning: **Due to the heavy use of foul language, sarcasm, and overall silliness the story should not be taken seriously by anyone.

**Chapter 3: Soulmates in the Fandom**

This story begins at Stark Pond – the place where most Romance/Angst stories take place. It is the perfect place for whining, confessing and drowning.

Another depressed teenager sat there thinking just as to how much his life sucked because let's face it – that is the most often preoccupation of teenagers.

No, this time it wasn't Kyle crying that his mother beats him, it wasn't Stan or Cartman crying that Kyle doesn't love him – it was Kenny. He was depressed just like all the characters are in fanfics though he didn't know why exactly. But of course, for the sake of the story he was going to find out, preferably in a loong and angsty way.

Kenny would have drowned for dramatic effect but just then as it always happens his best friend a.k.a long-time-unrealized-yet crush and future husband came along. It was Butters and not Eric this time.

The blonde was dressed as always in a Hello Kitty outfit and had a big blue ribbon in his hair. No one knew he was gay.

"Loo-loo! Apples, apples…Oh, hey Kenny. Watcha doing pal?" – Butters asked with a huge goofy grin plastered on his face, as weird as that is he still hadn't become depressed.

"I am being emo." – Kenny murmured, fixing his bangs to one side to give himself an even more emo look.

"Why?"

"I don't know the author decided so."

"Well, gee I don't know, buddy…" – Butters sat down next to his best friend…

_Wait! _

When did they become best friends anyway on the show…ugh, never mind. Just another huge gap in the story…oh, well readers probably won't even notice that with all the slash going on…

"Kenny, not that I want to hurt your feelings but aren't you supposed to be uh… you know…being with certain ladies and gentlemen in a…" – Butters intrigued, blushing as if he had some rouge on his cheeks…or maybe he did have rouge for that matter.

"You mean I should be whoring myself on the streets in order to get money for drugs?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I mean."

"No, this isn't such a story…probably the only one that isn't." – Kenny added with a grim face.

"Well, shouldn't you be off getting Kyle and Stan together then?"

"Ugh, can't they do it on their own!? It's not that hard anyway…after all these crazy stories always end with a Style in the end." – Kenny snapped.

"Well…that pretty much sums up your entire job in these fanfics. I mean you don't have much of a part in slash fics…Oh, Oh I got it! Maybe you are emo because you are in love with both Stan and Kyle but they are already together and you are screwed but the author and fan girls don't care because you aren't a favourite character."

Then Kenny started crying overdramatically because _every _eighteen-year-old boy cries for no reason at all in front of another boy.

Nah, it's not weird at all.

Since the story was getting more and more angsty, I guess it was time for the two boys to become a couple…

"This is exactly why I am emo, Butters! It's like everybody has their fanfic soul mate.

Stan and Kyle and- and Craig and Tweek and even Clyde and Token but not me… No one is left for me! Even Damien is with the Brit!"

"Well, Kenny your job is to pretty much sleep with whoever has just broken up with their boyfriend or wants to make them jealous or isn't sure about their sexuality.

Like for example you sleep with Damien all the time. Oh, and there is Kyle whom you get pregnant quite often so Stan could get jealous…"

"I know, I know…but I want something more, Butters…I-I need LOVE!" – the teenager gasped, tears streaming down his pale cheeks.

"Then don't worry, pal cause the crazy fan girls know the solution to all your and my problems!"

"Really?" – Kenny sniffled and blew his nose into the orange parka.

"Yeah, really! They have created a Bunny!" – Butters said in a happy and enthusiastic voice.

Well, even though his parents beat him, everybody hates him at school and he is one of the characters with the most reasons to complain he isn't allowed to be an emo character.

Stan and Kyle do it much better after years of training of fan girls writing them into cutters.

"And of what help exactly will be a baby rabbit to this pointless story?" – Kenny said confused, still crying and clinging to Butters's sky blue sweater with Hello Kitty smiling to him.

"No, no it's not a real rabbit, pal! It's just you and me together…like a couple." – Butters blushed yet again while saying this because all boys in fanfics blush cutely all the time. Maybe it turns on some girls, I don't know…

"You and me?! But-but why? I mean Stan and Kyle – sure I understand they are super best friends and act gay on the show all the time…

Kyle and Cartman – I understand that too since they are obsessed with each other and Craig and Tweek…well, ugh coming to think of it…"

_"__Kenny McCormick you don't think you are a stupid whore_!" – ran the author's stern voice and Kenny sighed, realizing in fanfics it wasn't about what the characters were like, or about logic or plot, it was about fangirls seeing hot boys together.

"I wonder how fan girls got the idea of Bunny too…I mean it's not like we are even friends on the show." – Butters said shyly. – But it's just that…I mean how can you not love a Bunny? They are all fluffy and nice and…"

"So what - we are supposed to become a couple just because are names combined together sound cute?" – Kenny cried out, pissed off but just how ridiculous this whole fanfic had become.

"Yeah, exactly. Oh, and we are both blond which I guess makes us a good couple together."

"But this makes no fucking sense."

"I know, but why not give it a try I mean with don't have anything better to do anyway. Unless you won't to go be with Eric who…"

"The crazy fan girls will probably write him off with Wendy." – Kenny interrupted. –"Their relationship doesn't make any sense either but Candy sounds sweet. Literally."

"Yeah, who doesn't like candies and bunnies?"

A light bulb went through Kenny's head.

"Butters! I just understood that I am gay and I am madly in love with you!"

"Really?" – the other blonde asked uncertainly.

"No, but the plot has to go on."

"Oh, well…then" – Butters struggled to think of what to say or do but then the author gave him perfect instructions – "_Then I love you too_!"

"That's great now come and let's make out and then I'll fuck your tight virgin ass."

Then the blonde pushed Butters roughly almost throwing him in the icy cold water of the pond and crushed his lips roughly yet somehow gently (?!) against the other boy's ones.

In only a few minutes they were taking off their clothes, fangirls already having nosebleed and forgetting the tremendous inaccuracies in the stories such as how could Kenny and Butters possibly have sex near a pond in the fucking snow? In the middle of the fucking winter…okay, okay I get it, no one cares.

However much to our distress the sex scene was interrupted because of a burst of flames and out of the flames came out a boy in clad in black attire. That obviously meant trouble.

"Damien…what the fuck are you doing here?" – Kenny stuttered, managing to pull his boxers mere seconds before the fan girls could see to much.

He was kinda cold because after all it was in the middle of the fucking January in South Park.

"Oh, well since I know you from hell I decided I could come here and have sex with you." – Damien said casually while looking at his black nail polish. It was the most natural and logical thing to say in the world, really.

"Wha-at? Why?" – Kenny asked, being totally dumbfound when it came to the fan girls' logic.

"In this way I will make sure I am gay and then I'll have a better sex technique for the DIP stories."

"And what if I say I want to be loyal and faithful to Butters?"

"Well, you can't. You see Kenny in all fanfics you are whore who has sex with practically everybody and you are a drug dealer. It's not your choice really. Plus if you don't have sex with me I'll just put you on fire thanks to my super cool demonic powers that authors often forget about."

"But…"

"It's okay Kenny, I am perfectly fine with you cheating on me with who ever the author decides." - Butters said cheerfully.

"Well then…"

And just as we were about to see a very hot scene between two moral lacking characters, Cartman – the third moral lacking one appeared out of thin air on the stage of the fanfic.

"Kenny! Kenny! Dude I have to fuck you!" – the fat one said panting.

Damn it ! Why couldn't he become all skinny overnight just like in all the other fanfics?

"Why the hell fatass?!" – Kenny asked even thought he actually did not want to know anything about Cartman's psycho reasons.

"Well, you're my best friend and all best friends fuck each other in fanfics so why not us too? Plus I think I am gay for Kyle and I have to make sure by sleeping with you. Oh, and I still haven't fucked Wendy – that happens in later chapters. Gah, don't you ever read the fucking script, ghetto boy?!"

"Once again this makes no fucking sense!" – the blonde cried out while pulling his hair in exasperation. It was only the third chapter of this fanfic and he already wanted to kill himself. Not that it would be very useful though…

"Well, it does actually. Kenny we are the characters who everybody sleeps with whenever they have some sort of problems and whenever the plot is getting boring." – a girl's voice came out of nowhere.

Wow, a girl in a South Park fanfic? Is this for real… Oh, she must be lesbian then.

"Where the hell did you Babe come from?"

"Well, I want a part of this stories too! I mean besides being a total bitch!" – the girl snapped. She was pissed off at all the writers who ignore her and the other girls all the time. Where did all that girl-power, "go feminism", go all of a sudden?

"Yeah, we girls want some action too! All we ever do in these stories is be some crazy bitches who dump you!" – Wendy shouted, being the hysterical bitch lunatic she always is in fanfics. Yeah, she had magically appeared on the scene too and the author didn't really care to explain us why.

But the more the merrier, right?

Although Sheldon Cooper disagrees on that but this is a South Park and not a The Big Bang Theory fic and people shouldn't write random stuff about their favourite shows all the time without connection to the plot…if there is a plot, that is._._

"Well, then just fuck each other!" – Cartman grunted in anger, the author remembering she has to keep up with the story and not just rant all the time.

Bebe opened her mouth in surprise and then closed it, like a fish out of water (we need metaphors, right?).

"Yeah, how come we have never thought of this Wends?"

"Well, fan girls prefer the "hot-boys-fuck" stories than the "hot-girls-fuck" kinda stories."

"Let's change their opinion then!" – Babe cried out realizing just like everybody else in this fandom that she is gay and madly in love with her best friend.

"Oh, no! Let me get my camera first!" – Cartman shouted and started running in the direction of his home.

We were just about to get a happy *sex scene* ending but just then Cartman was replaced by an angry Kyle appearing on stage.

"What do you want? Oh, oh let me guess – you want to fuck me? Or perhaps you want me to get you drugged because you are having problems with Stan?" – the whore of the South Park fandom a.k.a Kenny McCormick grunted, getting more and more annoyed with fan girls.

"Yeah, that and you got me pregnant, Kenny! Again!" – Kyle cried out, hormones affecting his mood.

"Pregnant!? Dude, for the last time this is impossible!"

"Why can't I get Pip pregnant and have a little baby with horns! – Damien (who the author seemed to have forgotten) complained while kicking the snow and then melting it with his badass "evil powers".

"Well it is possible! And it happens all the time according to the K2, Kyman, Style lovers…and pretty much any other fandom in the world. Why do I always have to be the one pregnant anyway!?"

"Okay, okay we will discuss this in another chapter! Now please let me just fuck Damien so we get over with this one!"

Stan showed out of nowhere crying and blood covering his hands.

This was his trademark appearance into a story.

"Wendy…wendyyy! Why did you dump me!?" – he cried being pathetic as always.

He soon found out though why she had dumped him as he watched her doing it with her best friend.

Oh, how cliché…

"I thought we were the only best friends who become something more." – Butters sobbed, feeling like the cliché he was turned into.

"For the last time Butters! We are not even best friends"

"Stan! Stan! What have you done!?" – Kyle sobbed, rushing to help his best friend.

"What does it look like? I am making a dramatic appearance! Why not have a part in fanfiction…even if it means cutting myself…and later on fucking you?"

"Well, Stan, please stop cutting yourself and fuck me! Forget that Wendy bitch!"

_( I believe this exact sentence sums up 99% of the Style stories ) _

"Yeah, fuck Wendy!" – Stan said in an angry, yet passionate voice, because he was more than ready to explore his just-found sexuality.

"Let's make out and have butt sex!" – Kyle chanted, singing the slash anthem.

"Here in front of everyone? Isn't it too soon? Isn't it too cold?"

"Nah…" – fan girls all over the world said at the same time.

"But what about the baby Kyle?" – Butters asked, ruining everything.

"Gah, isn't this chapter ever going to end!?" – Kenny grunted.

"What baby!?" – Stan cried, realizing this would be yet another reason for him to cut himself.

"Kyle thinks I got him pregnant." – Kenny said feeling a lot more emo than at the beginning of the chapter.

"Oh, no coming to think of it I think maybe it was Christophe this time." – the redhead pondered, trying to recall whom had magically impregnated him.

"You fucked that French whore too?!"

"Well, yeah, Style is kinda boring…so I guess I have to fuck other people from time to time in order for more reviews, ya know."

"No, I don't know, Kyle! Now I will have to do some more cutting…probably will cut in your name on my wrist."

"Dude, this is too cliché even for a fanfic!"

"Well, yeah but those crazy fan girls always write about such things… Plus you are fucking pregnant how is that even possible!?"

"For the last time it isn't !"

"I know it isn't! But the plot has to go on doesn't it, you fucking moron!" – Kyle exploded, forgetting about his gentle, needy temper in the fandom.

"So Kyle is not pregnant?" – the fandom dumb version of Stan said with the strong hope that he wouldn't have to torment his wrists even more.

"Hey, guys what did I miss?" – Cartman appears once again, camera in his hands so he could record the two hot girls, going at it.

"Oh, hi, Eric. Well, geh – let me see… Wendy and Babe are having some…pretty close time as you can see, Stan was dumped by Wendy and now he is cutting himself…oh, and Kyle is kinda pregnant…"

"Pregnant !? Oh, Kahl, you better fucking hope mah child isn't going to be ah fucking ginger! Oh, and he is definitely NOT going to be a Jew!"

"Wait, you slept with Cartman too!?"

"Ugh…well…what can I say I am just one dirty little whore according to fanfics."

"You sure as hell are a Jewish whore…but you are my little Jewish whore." – Cartman added with a creepy smile all over his face.

"Hey, you are hitting on my boyfriend!"

"Am not, you emo hippie shit!'

"Cartman are you filming me and Babe!?" – Wendy managed to say in between moans.

"Shut up hippie bitch!"

"Oh, brother…not again! Not again!" – Kenny murmured while he made his way towards Stark Pond.

"Kenny what are you doing, pal? Oh, but Kenny you know what happens when somebody gets near Starks Pond in fanfics!" – Butters started explaining but it was too late.

"Oh, my God you killed Kenny!"

"You, bastards!"

Stan and Kyle yelled at the authors of all those crazy stories.

Like I said Starks Pond – the perfect place for whining, confessing and drowning.

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><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Guest, xLawlietx, JessLeigh214, CelticQueen09, TCBN - thank you all for your kind reviews and suggestions!

Hey, guys how did you like Bunny? ...and everyone else showing up all the time all too convieniently as it happens in the fanfics? :)

Next time we will have a special guest - Mary Sue.

Please review, suggest and have a nice day!


	4. Enter Mary Sue

**The Fanfiction World **

**Summary: **"No more Mary Sues!" "No more crazy slash!" "No more cutting!" "No more non-working drugs!" – our beloved protested but the fangirls wouldn't listen…PARODY!

(This chapter doesn't make fun of any story in particular, it isn't meant to insult anyone or make anyone feel insecure about their writing. )

**Warning: **Due to the heavy use of foul language, sarcasm, and overall silliness the story should not be taken seriously by anyone.

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: Enter Mary Sue<strong>

Hi, my name is Lindsy Midsy and I am just another OC girl that teenagers are trying to relate to. I may not be the best role model, but who is anyways?

Today instead of being a wizard in the Harry Potter world or the newest star in the Glee club I am here in South Park to be in love with all the boys. Nothing out of the usual Mary Sue kind of life, really.

First thing is first, let me tell you about my…looks because of course this is of utmost importance to the plot.

I have pink-purple-red-blue hair and I wear t-shirts with Sponge Bob on them and I have a diary just like every other OC girl. And I wear my eyeliner_ thick_ and _winged_. And yes, this speaks _a lot_ about my persona.

Oh and I am Butters' cousin. One of his MANY Russian cousins. Apparently the fandom community located predominantly in Western Europe and America can't think of any "exotic" country other than Russia.

But then again they don't know a lot about Russia, so I just speak "American" and nothing about me is Russian.

I look at mirror and like every other teen girl dislike what I see. A tear rolls down my pale cheek which portrays my inner emotional turmoil.

(Because of course I'm white and pale, there are no people of colour in the fandom for whatever reason)

I have long pink hair as already mentioned, sky blue eyes _like the sky_. I am currently wearing the craziest and most edgy clothes the author could think of:  
>A pink T-shirt with a Sponge Bob on it (<em>which gently reveals my purple bra because I am a feminist and anti-slut shaming), <em>red shorts because apparently the freezing weather doesn't affect OC girls through the laws of meteorology in the fandom and orange rubber boots.

As you can tell, fashion is almost as important to me as **_love_****.**

After the author has given you this extremely important half-a-page-long description of my clothes that has nothing to do with the story I think I'll just share something with my best friend, a.k.a my DIARY. For writing in your diary is one of the main hobbits of every teenager nowadays.

Here we go.

_"__Dear diary Number 3. I am sad. _

_Well, no, not for something real but for the usual first world teeange drama all authors of OC find a must in their stories. _

_Well, you see I am in love with four boys. Yeah, all of them. Oh, and Wendy too…but she is already with Babe._

(The Italics are getting kind of tiring…so yeah, no more of them)

First there is Stan. I love his midnight blue eyes and his hair, the colour of the velvety sky at night.

But it's not his God-like body I am after.

Stan is a poet but he is also the captain of the school football team. He is really stupid though unlike his best friend. – Kyle who is the embodiment of the modern hipster in the fandom.

Kyle is extremely smart and also cuts his veins because his mother abuses him as hobby and Craig and Cartman rape him all the time. Oh, and he gets pregnant. Like …A lot.

I also love him because he straightens his hair a lot which is very progressive, I think.

He has amethyst green eyes (though amethyst is green but you know…)

Then I love Kenny who is a free spirit, ready to succumb to the darkest desires of his body. But he also cuts himself because he is actually very deep and sensitive. And he is bi with my cousin Butters (who cuts himself too.)

(I just wonder why does everybody has an obsession to cut themselves in the SP fandom!?)…

But then again what do I know, having been part as a Mary Sue of every major fandom since the love for litarature and the love for hot boys porking each other had a baby and called it fanfiction.

Soo, you see my problem is with whom should I be? It's a really difficult choice having in mind just how awesome all the boys are.

I guess the only way a teenage girl can solve her problems is by cutting herself even if that sets a horrible and possibly dangerous example for the readers...

**BOOM!**

Stan appeared in the room with his sports outfit and a very angsty expression like any other stereotypical jock would do.

He had been cast to play a main role in this story by the fan girl writing.

"Bitch who the fuck are you!?" – he demanded, feeling tired of the endless hoard of girls who were dropped of by the _Mary Sue Train Express_ every single day.

"Why Stan how can you not know! I am Butter's English cousin! Ugh…I mean Russian one…Or wait, was I an alien or an elf?"

**BOOM!**

"Ugh, no you're not! Butters doesn't have any English cousins!" – Kyle who had just appeared on the scene pointed out in a flat voice.

The redhead had been taken from another story where he was just about to give birth to Craig's baby so he wasn't all that disappointed he had to be here.

"Yeah, what's up with all these crazy foreign cousins! I mean there are like ten people in my house who say they are my cousins. They all dress like the Mad heater and claim they're perfect!" – Stan whined, giving his best friend a helpless look.

"In mine too! And what's even more weird they are all emo girls with crazy hair colours who cut themselves and have Sponge Bob related items! They are fucking nuts! I mean one of them the Russian emo hippie is dating Cartman at the moment…"

**BOOM!**

A rather fat boy appeared on stage with a pissed off expression, I am writing of no other than Eric Cartman of course.

"Not just one of them! There are like five who are dating me! And they are _all _emo hippies! Oh, even your cousin Kyle Kyle is dating me! I fucking hate these stories! – Cartman cried out, screaming at the ceiling, which was supposed to be some deep and profound metaphore.

Till now he had been having steam anal sex with a wherewolf!Butters in some other story so it was completely normal to be a little tired .

"Um, guys what the fuck does this have to do with the plot of the story?" – the random OC girl asked rather puzzled.

"We don't want anymore OC girlfriends!" – Stan cried out because he was so fed up with such stories he had even thought about killing himself.

But then again it was of no use since the author would just send him to Hell where he would have to put up with the DIP stories and after sometime Kyle would join him and it would be all Style.

"Or boyfriends!" – Kyle whined as he remembered how last night some crazy emo Russian dude was chasing him with a pack of condoms while screaming something about communism and mother Russia. (because obviously all Westerners believe this is how Eastern Europeans act like).

"We don't want any more random bitches!" – the three boys chanted in one voice, feeling like a bunch of people on strike.

**BOOM!**

"Why can't we just have a one night-stand!" – Kenny whined. He was stoned as always in fan-stories but for some reason (maybe because the author hasn't been high themselves) he didn't act like being high at all.

"Guys it is perfectly normal for you to fight for me! I am so flattered! I will like totally write about this in my diary! I feel just like Elena from the Vampire Diaries!"

"Oh yeah "The Vampire Diaries is pretty good…" – Cartman mused, just finding out about his profound love for cheesy supernatural TV series.

"No we are not fighting _for_ you! We are fighting against you!" – Kyle screamed, having the strong urge to forget how nice and cuddling he was in fanfics and kill all the OC bitches with a fucking bazooka or something.

Stan face-palmed. He did that a lot on South Park, but even more son in fafiction.

"Don't you fucking get it?! We are fucking tired of all these OC stories where we end up loving Mary Sues! There is absolulely ZERO originality, you all look and act the same and there is zerotalent in these stories! Out of the fandom!"

"It's the same story, multiplied a million times throughout all time and space - everywhere in all fandoms!"

"We should go on a strike!" – Stan suggested with a thoughtful expression.

"Stan, stop with your whole hippie bitchy activism!"

"No, the idea is great fatass"

"Oh, well since you say so Kyle, I must agree because I love you so much…"

Wait! Where the fuck did that come from?! How come all of a sudden Cartman is head over heals with Kyle? Don't they hate each other? Oh, well…anything between anyone and everyone can happen in fanfiction.

And then suddenly Craig appeared in the room too wearing a T-shirt saying:

_"__No More OC Emo Bitches!"_ and a middle finger underneath.

"Dude I want your T-shirt so fucking much!" – Stan gasped.

"Take it easy Stan! This is not a Staig story. For now. Anyway I just hopped by for my daily "Kyle – raping session". And then my daily "Kenny fucking session – Tweek – cheating on" should follow." – the noirette mused in a calm manner, voice as monotone as always.

He wasn't allowing this whole nonsense to affect his zen attitude.

After all, even Matt and Trey had the audacity to almost-but-not-really-but-then-again-maybe make him gay with Tweek on the show itself. So of course the fangirls would come with something like this!

But he knew, even he had a breaking point and if he read one more story about killing himself, the point of no return would be crossed.

"Oh, yeah Craig we'll do that in a moment, just let me finish this."

"What do you mean, Kyle!? Today is the day for our_ fifth thousand-th sleepover confession_!" – Stan snapped, feeling rejected and confused.

"Ugh, guys aren't you forgetting something?! This OC story is centered around me, not you and your crazy one stands, rapes, male pregnancies or whatever!" – the main OC stomped her feet, being pretty annoyed by how she was ignored since that was clearly not in her "OC girl" job description.

_"__Hey, I should totally write a chapter about the OC girl job description" – the author of this story wrote, forgetting of course that author notes in the middle of the story are not a good idea._

"That reminds me – Stan you got me pregnant again!" – Kenny mused while casually looking through a Playboy full of OC girls which sadly weren't Playboy material at all.

"Oh, no not again Kenny! It has been two months since you gave birth to the last one! Not to mention Wendy is pregnant too at the moment."

"Don't worry – I am the father this time." – Kyle and Cartman said in one voice.

"Oh, that's fine – of course I am perfectly fine with my best friend fucking my girlfriend. Why shouldn't I be!? I mean it's not like I am forced to do crazy shit all the fucking time such as fucking my best friend while he is cheating on me with the French bastard or fatass. Getting people or myself pregnant, cutting myself and dating people I don't even know who happen to be Butters' or Craig's cousins."

"And the worst thing is that even if you go to a party to chill out you end up having sex with the most inappropriate person and take drugs which have no effect." – Kenny whined being an expert at going to Token's parties.

And yeah, Token was the only person to host parties in the fanfiction aspect of South Park.

After much ranting that had nothing to do with the plot, the boys remembered that in the end of day someone had to fuck the newest member of the OC club.

"Oh, I got it : we will just make a contest about who of us is the most emo one and the one who is the least emo will have to sleep with...what was it?" – Kyle began, thinking of the best ideas as always.

"Lidsy Titsy." – the girl said with annoyance. She hated it when others were forgetting her name. After all it was _such_ a traditional Russian name.

"Titsy? Really?"

On the stage appeared Butters too. The author couldn't think of a reason why.

She just knew there were many Butters fans out there and she wanted more reviews to boost her confidence.

"Yeah, I guess Butters who is my cousin had to join the story too. Oh, and I love him by the way…even thought our love is impossible." - the Mary Sure proclaimed, voice filled with as much passion as that of actress in a third wave Indian soap opera.

"This stories are just-" – Kyle began saying but Carman interrupted him.

"So fucked up."

"So what we finish each other sentences now too? What's up with all that fluffy Kyman?!" – Kyle grunted.

"Oh, hamburgers." – Butters murmured. Sometimes he just wished he wasn't involved in all the stories. His own books were a lot better.  
>The Emo Contest was about to begin…<p>

And then BOOM – Cliffhanger !

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>

Thanks to: IcedFireFrenzy, TCBN, RoseBadwolf1000 for reviewing !

Hey...uh sorry for not updating in ages. I will update the story regularly now that I've come to writing fanfiction!

Hope that you enjoyed this chapter!

Any feedback will be appreciated and if you have any ideas about what should be parodied - feel free to share!


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